i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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