are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
