so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
