my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
