Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Those nachos came to me in a dream
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
