so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
