Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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