Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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