Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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