I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
