sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
