You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
