Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
