Will you blow on my dice?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we're so committed to being not committed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
