I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
