He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
