I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
