Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
