Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
