Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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