sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
