I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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