I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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