theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
