I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
