I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
