Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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