He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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