is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
