I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
