He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you win again, gameday.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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