I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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