I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
