I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
