in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
