I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
