90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
