I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't think brook has ever known best
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
