And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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