I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
