you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
