P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
