just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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