There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
