Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
