4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My room smells like vodka and shame
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
