Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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