Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
