While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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