We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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